Encompassing arms of my Savior.

I cried last night. I don't cry often. Its an annual thing but I've been crying lately. This crying spree began when I received the speeding ticket. Then when I knelt on my knees and truly prayed for the first time in a very, very long time. This time will hopefully be the last.

Its easy to dump someone when you're no longer interested in them. So easy. Its not easy to walk away from someone you truly care about. I've done it twice now. The first was last year. This one, in some ways, was harder. I've never been friends with the men I've 'loved'. I don't know if its ever really been in love but sometimes its sure felt like it.

This last one was my friend, an example, someone I respected and I cared deeply about.

I cried this time. I've never really cried about a guy. It was embarrassing but I guess necessary. I almost cried in the office when I decided to let go. The first 24 hours have passed. I've been thinking, I've been realizing.

For so long I've been hurt by men. I've let them walk all over me, lead me on and then let me go. It always hurts. No matter how many time you tell yourself it doesn't, it does.

Whats different about this time? He wasn't walking all over me, he just wasn't ready for me. I wasn't helping him. I was just someone to turn to when he should've been turning to God. I know that if its not me then it will just be someone else he turns to instead of God.

I know this because I do this. But this time I don't turn to another man to erase the hurt, to cover it, to temporarily comfort me. I've turned so often to the wrong arms. The arms that only make it worse. Arms that in the long run will only make it hurt more.

I'm not going to lie. The temptations have been there, the offers were given. I nearly accepted quite a few. I didn't. I nearly made a few offers of my own. I didn't.

I decided to learn from this experience, to learn from letting go. I've found the right arms to turn to. As I open my scriptures, as I say my prayers, as I serve those around me, I can feel those arms about me. Its right. I've learned to turn to my Savior's arms to warm my frosted heart.

Those arms won't disappear, those arms won't leave. They don't have stipulations, they don't lack commitment, they don't lack for love. They are constant, they are consistent.

Before I could ever turn to the arms of a man, the arms of my husband, I had to first learn to turn to the arms of my Savior. That is what I am doing. I am putting my trust, my love, my heart in the hands of God and I am placing myself in the all encompassing arms of my Savior.

QUOTES:

"The Messiah extends His arm of mercy to us, always eager to receive us—if we choose to come to Him."

"But behold, the Lord hath ^aredeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his ^bglory, and I am encircled about eternally in the ^carmsof his ^dlove."

"Behold, he sendeth an invitation unto ^aall men, for the ^barmsof mercy are extended towards them, and he saith: Repent, and I will receive you."

"Behold, thou art Oliver, and I have spoken unto thee because of thy desires; therefore ^atreasure up these words in thy heart. Be faithful and ^bdiligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my ^clove."

"Listen to the voice of Jesus Christ, your Redeemer, the Great ^aI Am, whose arm of ^bmercy hath ^catoned for your sins;"

“I will encircle thee in the arms of my love.”