What men are good for

I know a lot of guys that complain about always being the friend and never the boyfriend. I've hit that point. I'm always the friend and never the girlfriend. But do I complain? Nope.

I'd rather not date right now. I spent the last 20 years of my life shying away from guys. I like having guys friends. Its so strange because now the men outnumber the women in my life.

Once upon a time I could barely hold a conversation with a male and now . . . they're my primary conversation source.

I could've made moves on a lot of them, dated a lot of them, even married a few of them but why ruin a beautiful friendship? While its been strange not having girls to confide in since I've been in Utah its been fun exploring more deeply (or as deep as you can get cause men are really shallow) into how men work. I used to never care because men, for the most part, aren't worth caring about but my list of "what men are good for" is a lot longer than it used to

1) Lift things

2) Fix things

3) Eye candy

(These first three were the only things on my original list)

4) They'll hook you up with their friends

5) Always honest when you ask how you look

6) They're great punching bags

7) They always eat more than you (No guilt)

8) You feel smart and motivated around them (men are lazy bums)

9) Have ways of getting free food

10) They're usually try anything at least once

Apparently men are good for something. If you're sitting next to a man pat him on the back; actually, slam your fist into his back because men are still pigs and deserve to be hit and hit hard and frequently.

And so she flew

She touched his cheek, she caught the tear before it rolled from his face to his chest, and she held him till he slept. She left. She didn't look back. She never looked back. She couldn't look back.

Too much looking back and you'll walk into a tree, you'll get hit by a car, you'll fall into a hole. She wasn't strong enough to climb out of another hole, couldn't dig in, pull up and drag herself to her feet. The next time she fell she wouldn't get back up, she wouldn't get back out.

Thats what love was for her; always deep, always unrequited. Most find love, grasp a hand and walk the trail with hands swinging. Everyone falls into a hole once or twice but she kept nearly falling so many times after the first. She recognized the signs but still gave in, kept trying to give her all.

If there was another path she'd take it. No more side stepping holes. She'd have someone to fill her holes, a board to place across, cement to fill them in but instead she continues to walk around them, straying temporarily from the path, head held high. It hurts when the man you love doesn't love you back but still holds onto you, won't let go.

She knew the whole time it would end. Everyone told her to end it. She held on. She fantasized. She loved. She loved and she broke. She ended it but with love still in her heart. She sat in that hole for so long, deluding herself that the hole wasn't a hole but a home, it wasn't.

She'd reach for his hand and he'd pull away. She'd speak her mind and he'd cover his ears. She'd tell him she loved him and he'd tell her he often didn't like her. She gave all and he gave none. She knew it. She was always aware of the manipulation, the abuse but she let it happen. She let them dig their holes into her.

So many do. With each lover she lost a little more. She no longer fell in holes just kicked some dirt in them, walked around them and looked for the next one. So many holes, so much pain. No trust, no faith, no hope for each of the men she dated. She waited for each affair with her heart to end and they always did.

She stopped walking away because she stopped finding love to walk away from. She decided she was tired of avoiding holes, leaving the path and she was tired of falling and so she dug a little hole, planted a seed, grew a tree, climbed that tree and jumped from that tree. This time she didn't fall, she flew.

Just looking at this man's face makes me sick

Philadelphia Dr. Kermit Gosnell was charged on Jan. 19 with murder after allegedly delivering seven babies and then killing them by severing their spinal cords with scissors.

MSNBC says that Gosnell's clinic ran from 1979 to 2010, and during that time, hundreds of babies lost their lives there.

The Associated Press says former Gov. Ed Rendell says he is "flabbergasted" by regulators' inadequate inspection of Gosnell's Philadelphia abortion clinic.Numerous complaints were filed throughout those years about the unsanitary conditions of the clinic, forced abortions, underage abortions, deaths and delivering full-term babies and then killing them, according to the MSNBC story.

In an ABC News article, Philadelphia District Attorney Seth Williams said, "There were bags, and bottles holding aborted fetuses were scattered throughout the building. There were jars lining shelves with severed feet that he kept for no medical purpose." And according to Williams, state regulators ignored numerous complaints about Gosnell's clinic, which hadn't been inspected since 1993.

Last year, Gosnell agreed to a video interview with Fox News where he claimed, "I provide the kind of care that I would want my daughter to receive." He also said, "I've done the very best to provide the very best to my patients," but many of his patients have disagreed.

A Fox News story says that Gosnell has been named in at least 10 malpractice suits.

Gosnell's abortions also were allegedly illegal. According to myfoxphilly.com, he charged $32 for first trimester abortions and $1,600 to $3,000 for abortions up to 30 weeks, but abortions in Pennsylvania are illegal after 24 weeks, and many doctors won't perform them after 20 weeks.

According to AOL News Gosnell is accused of killing one woman and seven babies who were born alive and then killed by Gosnell at the Women's Medical Society in Philadelphia. Gosnell's employees were untrained and unlicensed, and nine of those employees have also been charged.

Along with the issue of abortion, other topics have been brought up in the discussion, including health inspectors not adequately doing their job and the fact that most of the people who chose Gosnell's clinic were poor.

No more being the player

Stevie Nicks said it all for me today,

"Now here you go again

You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat...drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost...
And what you had...
And what you lost

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say...Women...they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean...you'll know"

Its a lot of lyrics but it says a lot, at least to me it does. I don't know who I am in this song. Am I the player? Or am I the one being played?

I go for affairs, for friends with benefits, for the non-committal and somehow I always come out the one hurt. When did my emotions begin to play a part in my affairs? I'm not really sure how this works. Maybe its because the benefits end? All I know if that in the long run, I need to stop being selfish in this regard. Whether I'm falling for them physically or just playing with them physically its not right and it doesn't feel right at the end of the day.

If I can't commit then I shouldn't be in a relationship. And if he can't commit then I still shouldn't be in that relationship. I need to recognize that commitment is part of relationship and when I finally do decide to get into a relationship it needs to be with my whole heart and not with the intentions of a player. No more playing.

I only want men to make me feel better about myself, to make me feel passion, to hold me. I don't look for their companionship, I don't really look for anything special except for a hot body and strong physical attraction.

I've become really pickier and I get pickier with each passing day. I have to take a break. I'm becoming shallow. No more playing. I would rather play than be played.

I'd eat you if I had to

I eat like Oprah. I eat like a fat kid given a cake after starving in the desert for a week. If it were my choice I would eat at McDonalds everyday. EVERYDAY. Just thinking about McDonalds is making me salivate right now. I'm drooling on my desk. Its soaking my coat and making me cold.

Do I have an eating disorder? Probably. But its mostly because I'm cheap. I would totally be eating grapes out of a hot guys hand right now but I can't afford either and so instead I'll probably go to the store tonight and buy little debbies or eat the popsicles in my freezer. Did you know that you can get a 100 popsicles for $2 at Walmart?

Right now I'm chewing on a candy cane. I bought them right after Christmas. Everything was 75% off. I'm looking forward to Valentines day so I can buy the on sale candy the day afterwards--maybe I will buy myself some flowers too.

When my resources are limited I take what I can get, I'm not picky. If we were on a desert island with no food, I wouldn't hesitate to eat you. I'd probably savor you. I savor my Ramen noodles, I savor expired salmon, I savor ravioli straight from the can so I think roasting you over a spit wouldn't bother me too much.

Are my eating habits disgusting? Probably. But I'm an easy date, an easy person to satisfy. You get me something off the dollar menu and I'm happy. My stomach is satisfied and my taste buds --I begin to doubt if I even really have taste buds--are on a high.

I'm a hearty eater but I'm easy to feed. One cancels out the other I think. This is why you should take me on date. Take me out to dinner. Buy me McDonalds, buy me Taco Bell, cook me some eggs. I'll eat it. I'll eat anything and lots of it.

Goals for 2011

Goals for 2011

-Get into grad school

-Find a job

-135 lbs-consistent holding of this weight

-10,000 total hits on my blog (1400 total right now, overall, in past two years)

-Find places and ways to serve those around me

-Read 100 really great books

-Learn 3 news skills

-Take up a new hobby

-Learn some tricks on the ice rink

-Kiss in the rain

-Meet ten new hot guys and proceed to go on dates with them

-Get to really know D.C. area in the summer or whenever I go back home

-Visit the ocean

Saving money on employee health care

Spending $400,000 a year on a program to promote better health for employees saved Oakland County, Mich. $12 million on employee health care insurance.

Before the program was started the projected amount to spend on health care was at $50 million for 2010 but the county ended up only paying $38 million this year.

On Fox News Brooke L. Patterson talks about how and why he started this $400,000 dollar campaign.

The idea for the campaign is for employees to become aware of medical risks before the risks actually take effect. Patterson institutes this by having employees fill out a health survey, get blood drawn, sugar levels checked, blood pressure taken and other basic tests done. Employees also fill out a risk assessment form and are given a $100 gift card for their participation.

In USA Today Human Resources Director Nancy Scarlet says the cost is well worth it, ""In light of all the stuff we have going on — pay cuts and asking employees to pay more for their health care — this is one of those givebacks," she said. "It's really a small price."

Not only is Mich. County saving money on insurance but employees are becoming aware of medical problems before they become an actual problem and employees get $100 to sweeten the deal.

According to freep.com Patterson launched the campaign four years ago in order to "bring area hospital suppliers, medical device makers and educators together to promote his county and region as a medical destination similar to a Mayo or Cleveland Clinic"--Cleveland is one of the top four hospitals in the United States.

Back in 2006 Patterson worried about the 20 percent jump in health care costs and started the awareness campaign that saved Oakland County, Mich. $12 million.