No more being the player

Stevie Nicks said it all for me today,

"Now here you go again

You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat...drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost...
And what you had...
And what you lost

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say...Women...they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean...you'll know"

Its a lot of lyrics but it says a lot, at least to me it does. I don't know who I am in this song. Am I the player? Or am I the one being played?

I go for affairs, for friends with benefits, for the non-committal and somehow I always come out the one hurt. When did my emotions begin to play a part in my affairs? I'm not really sure how this works. Maybe its because the benefits end? All I know if that in the long run, I need to stop being selfish in this regard. Whether I'm falling for them physically or just playing with them physically its not right and it doesn't feel right at the end of the day.

If I can't commit then I shouldn't be in a relationship. And if he can't commit then I still shouldn't be in that relationship. I need to recognize that commitment is part of relationship and when I finally do decide to get into a relationship it needs to be with my whole heart and not with the intentions of a player. No more playing.

I only want men to make me feel better about myself, to make me feel passion, to hold me. I don't look for their companionship, I don't really look for anything special except for a hot body and strong physical attraction.

I've become really pickier and I get pickier with each passing day. I have to take a break. I'm becoming shallow. No more playing. I would rather play than be played.