Muppet faced and gun crazy

Here are some signs that you are dating an egotistical jerk, a crazy person or a pig.

Its ok to have different beliefs from the person you're dating but when they tell you that the terrorist attacks of 9/11 were an inside job then you've got something to worry about.

But it gets better. They then tell you how the world is going to end in 5 years and they are planning to buy a ranch in the middle of nowhere and sitting with their gun in a basement.

They hate going to church because everyone is so 'blind' and not as smart as they are, so they choose to skip most of the time.

Oh and they will also tell you how they ARE better than most people. No one is quite as smart or savvy as them. They'll talk about all the money they have and yet rip people off whenever they can, refuse to take you out, share an apartment with a bunch of guys and talk about how money isn't that big a deal to them.

To top it off they'll talk about how irresistible they are. The truth is they look like a Muppet, they have zit pock marks on their arms, thin as a rail, stiff as a board, with hairy shoulders and folds in their face that your hands could get lost in.

Note: If they carry numerous firearms--including under their pillow-- brag about blow torches and how they could easily shoot someone then this might be a warning sign too.

They'll tell you they're such a gentleman but when it gets late and its time for you to go home they'll fake sleep or insist you walk twenty minutes at midnight by yourself instead of them driving you.

One day they'll talk of eloping, the next they'll talk of separating, the next dating, the next not dating. Then profess how you deserve so much better. They'll be so inconsistent that your head will begin to spin and you'll reject the idea of ever trusting them. So you don't and because of this you look for the ending in every relationship, so you'll be prepared the next time to not hurt like you did before.

The only consistency they have is to insult you.

They'll put you on a guilt trip because some of the things you are doing together are inappropriate(even though they initiate it), or tell you they don't deserve you and that they want to take a "break" but really all their doing is screwing their ex-girlfriend until they get bored and try to come back to you.

They'll tell you they can do better, call you unattractive, over weight. They'll make fun of your beliefs, your ideas. They'll ask your opinion and then find every reason they can to scoff at it, scorn it and pretty much call you inferior.

You have good work ethic? A better resume? More experience? They'll feel threatened and tell you that you won't be a good mother.

They'll pull out a list of all the things they wished you did, were better at or lack. They don't like you because you're too affectionate or not affectionate enough.

They say they're a hard worker but all you ever see them do is watch TV, insult those around them, start trouble and eat. All they ever want to do with you is cuddle, make-out and talk about themselves.

They'll stand you up, they'll fall off the planet and stop talking to you after telling you how much you mean to them. They want you to want them so they can add you to their list of girls they've rejected.

Yes, I've experienced all these things. I could continue on and on to list all the hurtful things they've done to me. There are things that men have done to me that have cut so deep that I leave those thing out because I've erased them from my memory.

What did I get from all this? A bunch of ridiculous stories and a lesson.

The lesson: I'm worth it. I'm so worth it. If they do any of these things listed above consistently, insult my looks when theirs are more lacking or disrespect me in any way then I've learned to walk away, I've learned that there are millions of fish in the sea to swim with--better fish to swim with.