Thursday, October 7, 2010

This Fairy Tale is not so Stereotypical

I got a lot of angry letters because of this column I wrote for BYU-Idaho's school newspaper.


"Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them,” said Shakespeare.

I wouldn’t say that greatness is being thrust upon me, but whatever is being thrown at me is something I didn’t initially want, and is something I am still trying to run from.

I’m a romantic, a fairy tale chaser. I used to believe that I’d graduate high school, go to BYU-Idaho, get married and start a family. I’d spend the rest of my life in a blind daze of happily ever after where the animals talk to me and help me with chores.

I thought I’d spend my day baking cookies, bragging about my kids, gossiping, planning elaborate Relief Society crafts and sweeping dirt under the oven. Somewhere along the way I made a huge mistake.

I should have chosen to be a family consumer science major, but I chose wrong. I decided to be a communication major. To make things worse, I started working for the newspaper here. After that things just went downhill. I made friends. I made connections from there. I became an extrovert and I enjoyed working.

I interned at a concrete company, freelanced for a local Maryland paper, I even worked at a gynecology office, and now I’ve decided to go to grad school.

I should have my masters before I’m 22, since I’ll graduate with my bachelors at 20. My friends who go to other colleges (non-LDS colleges) tell me that I have a lot going for me, that I’m super accomplished and I should go make a name for myself.

I don’t know how it all happened. How dare I give up the notion of getting married before graduating? How dare I become a menace to society? But I decided to anyway.

I’m not insulting those that are already married and I’m not discouraging those who want to get married, but I’m so happy that my fate took me in a direction that didn’t leave me married, pregnant and working to get my husband through college.

I fought tooth and nail for that privilege of marriage, but I just never wanted any of the men who wanted me and vice versa.

It seems that as a woman at “BYU-I-do” you can’t be accomplished until there’s a ring on your finger, but I disagree. I’ve fought that stereotype with the violence of a cornered raccoon, and I’ve come out of “BYU-I-do” single.

There were a lot of close calls, but I decided that I want to be single and graduate from “BYU-I-do” -which is the real accomplishment.

I’ve had this need to “be somebody” slowly, but surely, thrust upon me, and so I’ll go out into the world and do whatever it is I need to do.

Someday I’ll let some loser (because all men are losers) stick a ring through my nose, and I’ll become the stereotypical homemaking momma and be extremely happy; but for now, I choose the freedom of being single.


10 comments:

  1. My kid and my husband make me WAY happier than your masters degree could ever make you.

    and p.s. You are "choosing" worldliness over righteousness. Don't let Satan continue to pollute your brain!

    ALSO- the rest of the world hates on stay at home moms enough. We don't need church members doing it too.


    You also need to read the Book, "I am a Mother" by JANE CLAYSON JOHNSON

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  2. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. As women, we should never put another woman down because she wants to take a different path in life. I think this girl is just trying to shake the boat a little bit and get people thinking. I'm married, no kids yet and in grad school right now and I feel pretty good about it! Everyone needs to quit being so sensitive. And just because she isn't a mother yet and enjoys working DOES NOT mean that Satan is "polluting her brain." Heavenly Father has a plan for everyone and for all you know, this is hers for right now. Quit overreacting!

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  3. Your disclaimer of not insulting anyone is clearly useless. You may have tried to apear understanding but all I got from it was "I'm not insulting any of you moms.....just saying I am SO glad that I am not you." With all the puns and rude remarks towards mothers you may as well left it out. That's great and all that you're "so" successful but if you're writing a column for BYU-I I would suggest that you keep it friendly to the students who attend. It's as if you were asking for a fight; either that or you just want to brag about how "un" typical you are. There are a lot of funny puns and jokes to go along with the BYU's and mormon communities, but they only come about because of the way we are living our lives. Many are harmless to joke about (and can even bring a good laugh), but you were definitely insulting some of the more sacred gospel truths when you wrote this. I am all for education (that's not my problem with your article) but I am not a fan of people who automatically think they are "more" intelligent, higher, mightier, etc.

    It is true that Heavenly Father has a plan for everyone including you. You may very well be on the path he would have you be on, but so are so many others.

    What I get from this article is that you've got something against the typical mormon mother....either that or you are just bitter that you're not married yet. I'm sorry you have to spend your time fighting against and making fun of other people.

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  4. I read this more as a 'venting' than as an article. I'm sure you don't really believe half of the things you wrote ... I hope you don't anyway. Of course there is a personal course that God has for everybody and I hope you find yours. You may want to consider that there are quite a few LDS moms with Master's Degrees and successful careers. It is dangerous to impose a label on a group of people, like you have on men. The Savior told us to love everyone as we would ourselves and to pray for and bless our enemies. Yeah, there are a lot of bad men out there, but there are also a lot of bad women. Just because you didn't find the right guy yet doesn't mean you should throw them all to the wind. Trust the Lord more, He has a plan for you ... everyone's plan is a little different - even though some look a lot alike. Good Luck.

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  5. Do you know what? I got married before I finished my degree. And I often tell young women, now, to wait to get married until they finish their education. My husband is still in school and I am still the bread winner. I would love to go on to do my Master's, but it will take a bit more time because now there are two of us to think about not one. Don't let anyone put you down. God's timing is perfect. He puts desires in your heart for a purpose and to Glorify him. Continue to glorify God -- in education, walks, marriage, babies, grocery shopping. I am excited to hear about what life will bring you.

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  6. Hear, hear, Anonymous directly above me! Amen to everything.

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  7. I think this is hilarious! Sorry about all the "hate mail" you got from people like me- married with kids, not finished my degree, etc... It's great to finish school while you have the most time to devote to it, good for you. But beware of becoming one of those people that tells a wife/mother that you are so grateful you aren't them, because one day you'll wake up and, sorry hun, you will be right smack in the middle of that awful place you never thought you wanted to be... and you'll feel bad for loving it.

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  8. K,

    I'm so proud that you wrote this column. Way to rile up the masses.

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  9. I so remember this column! It is good to see your passion then... 'The glory of God is intelligence.'

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