Lose control. Ever get caught up in the moment? I become so caught into that moment; it becomes a day, a week, a month and then my life. I find myself living from moment to moment.
I take no time to think, to reflect. My decisions, while of a mild nature, are unplanned, rash and often foolish. I throw out both of my hands and I say, “pick one.” My destiny held in one of my fists when really it’s held in an embrace.
It’s an embrace I refuse to acknowledge is there oftentimes. It’s easier to pretend, to brush it off, to forget. It’s easy to tell myself that he’s not real, he did nothing and for that I am nothing. I run from my problems, my trials, my enemies and I even run from him.
I lay the blame on him and accept the praise as my own. I acknowledge him not and for that I am often lonely, often alone. I can’t stand to be by myself, to let my thoughts provoke me for I know that if I were to look too closely I would then see a life I shouldn’t be living.
And as I sit here and let my thoughts run rampant I realize what I’ve known all along: I love him. I love him as I shall never love another. I recognize him as my light, my life, my Savior. I can’t use words, a touch to any sense or even emotion to convey this love. I love him and because I love him I shall do as he directs. If I truly love my God then I will obey him. I will obey him.
what a wonderful soliloquy. I especially like the phrase "My destiny held in one of my fists when really its held in an embrace." In embracing our Heavenly Father and his will we get what we want most and give up what fleeting things we want now. Beatiful prose and thought provoking :)
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