Drama and abuse

It seems you can't get rid of a person when you really want to -- especially when that person is your ex-boyfriend. If there is one person that I don't want to see, don't want to hear about, don't want to interact with its my ex-boyfriend.

But I guess its hard to shake someone that reprehensible. How does a woman not feel utter shame after she removes herself from an abusive relationship? I jumped out before it could become like most abusive relationships and I still feel utter embarrassment that I dated something (yes, I consider him a thing) like that.

Anyway, on the drama. I checked my Facebook a few weeks ago. I'd received an email from me ex-boyfriends wife's sister. That is a mouthful. Let me explain. My ex-boyfriend married my friend. Its a long, hurtful story that I don't care to tell at the moment but anyway he married my friend, and lets call this friend Merissa.

So, Merissa's sister emailed me a couple weeks ago.

"Hey Kaitlin!
This is Merissa's little sister Gaby, we met a couple years ago. I have a question for you about ex-boyfriend... What was he like? He has kind of taken Merissa away from our family, and he causes a lot of problems. We just want to know if you know anything about him that we don't know since we don't know him that well. Merissa doesn't know about this so please don't tell her...
Thank you so much!"

So, I felt I should call them. I felt for a long while that the abuse I suffered from him was all in my head. He never raised a hand to hit me but I wish he had. I would prefer to be hit then to be mentally, verbally, spiritually assaulted for six months. Can you imagine someone telling you for six months that you aren't good enough? Not only that but having them make lists of all the things that are wrong with me.

(Let me also clarify that me ex-boyfriend was not very attractive, so it hurts even more to have an ugly person tell you that you aren't worth it. Of course, I dumped him before he could marry me and make me suffer hearing that through the eternities).

I call them. I find out from this sister and from the rest of the family while on the speaker phone that my boyfriend IS an abusive person. Everything I had predicted, experienced was happening to Merissa and to them.

I thought after talking to Gab and reassuring them that they weren't the only ones who had experience the ex-boyfriend, I thought this would officially end all contact. I felt liberated, I felt justified. I have finally shaken that hurt and bitterness from me.

But of course the problem will never disappear for them. Their treasured family member has been set against them by her husband. She's been alienated from all her friends. She's lost her light.

The whole family has recently added me on Facebook and like to message me and tell me things like this,

"Well it was a stupid start but it exploded into something bigger. i had bought two pairs of pants the week before we left for washington and they fit britt perfectly so she bought them from me. and while we were there i wanted to show karisa them that they basically fit both of us and ex-boyfriend was rude and was like "you made her buy them, why didn't you give them to her? karisa gave you a ton of pants" and that got me mad so i said no you made her get rid of them cause of the holes and he said she looked trashy. he got mad at that comment and i lost it and was just yelling at him and my mom pulled me into the back bedroom for me to calm down"

But the story gets better because Gaby continued it with,

"well ex-boyfriend and Merissa followed [me] up to the bedroom and the fight continued and karisa grabbed my neck and started trying to slap my face so i was kicking her off of me since i was still on the bed and ex-boyfriend grabbed my legs and pushed them to my chest and he was hovering over me and he yelled "damnit Gaby don't you touch my wife" he looked so mad and i thought he was going to hit me but he wouldn't let me go"

I feel so thankful that I escaped this person but I feel sorry for the family, I feel sorry for the friend I once had. Its a sad situation. Its an abusive situation. Since I was in that relationship, I've learned to read the signs of abuse in my relationships. I'm grateful for the experience because I learned from it, I grew from it but I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

And now, all I can do is pray for my friend and her family at this time.