Rebelling

Months before she married, her finger was down her throat, she was indecisive, she cried a lot and she lost men like a stripper loses her clothes. She made attempts at school. She made attempts at work. She made attempts at everything but nothing worked. She used religion to build a wall around her, make her look happy but she knew she wasn't.

Convinced that marriage would fix her problems, she found a victim. She was desperate for a ring. Not from the phone, but from the hands of a man who would pull it from a box and make her hand glitter, her life glitter. So, after two weeks of dating, she was engaged and a couple months later she was married.

But what did that ring really symbolize to her? Happiness? She believed it make her happy, but would it really?

The temporary fix seemed to work. So many of her friends had married and now she could join the throng. She busied herself with marriage plans: the dress, the place, the people, the gynecologist, the birth control, the idea of sex. And then she was married.

She quit school, quit her job. She decided she was going to do what so many women before her had done. She would be a stay-at-home wife (not Mom) at 21.

So sheltered. Someday, years from now she would change, she would want something else . . . hopefully. But at the moment, she was living the dream. Her husband still had at least four years of college left and she was getting sex, friends to play with, an apartment to clean, someone to cook for (even though she only knew how to rub some chicken legs in flour and seasoning and slap it on a grill -- apparently thats cooking!). She struggled little, wanted for nothing, why would she?

But what happens when she grows up? What happens when she realizes that she's done nothing to contribute to the world . . . to her future family? All she can do is throw a "positive" attitude, judgments and some religious drivel at them.

How can she be an example? She had ample opportunities and she threw them away, never focused on anything except joining the throng of seemingly happy, ringed women around her. Her shallow perspective would teach her daughters that all they need to do is look pretty and get married.

Her young, judgmental attitude would drive away friends, family and children.

What went wrong? Oddly enough, marriage made this scenario what it is. A young woman whose mother told her she was never good enough, unless she looked perfect, acted perfect. A mother who discouraged her from dating short, "unattractive" guys and a mother who preached her version of the Gospel to a young, naive daughter.

My point, GET A GRIP! Women are getting married so young that they don't give themselves a chance to truly become one with themselves and God. Marriage is great . . . at the right time and at the right place.

BUT marriage will not fix all your problems. You don't become literally "sealed" to your spouse. You have to be able to function, bring something to contribute. So, women, get a grip on yourself, get your head out of men's butts and learn to think for yourself, be happy with yourself, do something to make you who you need to be.

Marriage isn't an escape! Its an opportunity to become even better. Remember that.

Don't marry someone when you're not happy with your life, when you're depressed; that temporary fix won't work. You need to learn to be happy with yourself first, learn to explore the world, to be non-judgmental.