I never want to understand

Murder, rape, torture...these are words we see every day in the news. They are words spoken and seen in our schools, in the grocery store, in our home.

I can't understand the vulgarities of man and yet I am a part of it. I've hurt people, I've watched shows where other intentionally hurt other people, I've seen and participated in causing the mental agonies and agitations of others. Am I bothered by this? Yes.

I can't understand why we would intentionally hurt another being. I guess it starts drop by drop, drip by drip. What I once thought was bad is no longer so evil. Maybe I can't sympathize with killers. I can't sympathize with rationalization, yet the I practice rationalizing what I know is wrong all the time. What has my life come to when all the things I know are wrong I still practice because I can talk myself into them?What has my life come to when I can walk away from another hurting?

I ask for mercy and I give none myself. With each critical judgment I make; I become hardened; I become desensitized. My eyes have become adjusted to the horrors, my ears adjusted to the screams, my hands adjusted to the trigger and my heart adjusted to others hurt.

I don't want to be like this. I don't want to slowly become the critical, hurtful person. I don't want to become what the rest of the world is. I want to love others unconditionally. How do I escape from these things of the world? I can't just hide from the world. I would serve no purpose. Can I simply watch? No.

I won't let myself become desensitized. I won't watch as a brother, a friend, a stranger hurts and I simply observe or worse walk on by. I never want to understand or empathize with the cruel intentions of others. I would much rather live naive and judge without question, hope with faith, and love without condition.