SEX: Do the bolded words grab your attention?

I want to have SEX. You want to have SEX. We all want to have SEX, SEX SEX, SEX, SEX. But we can't. Single people shouldn't and so we--the single people--won't. So what do we do? We sublimate. I'm sublimating right now. Candy. Ice cream. McDonalds.

I'm eating because I want to have SEX. I hope this ruins your image of me. Every time you see me eating you're now going to think I want to have SEX. This is not entirely true. Sometimes I eat because my tummy demands it or because there's nothing better to do or because its FREE. But I often eat because I'm sublimating, no lies. We all have to have our weaknesses we give into, right? I'm not giving into the SEX weakness, instead I am eating bread with chocolate frosting smeared all over it--my food supply is currently low.

I'm not a gluttonous pig, I'm just filling in that gap of my life that I refuse to fill right now. The gap where I don't get to have SEX. Yep. I won't lie. I want it. But really, what hormonal young person doesn't want SEX?

I don't even know if I want companionship, or a boyfriend or marriage anytime soon. All I know is that I want SEX. Thats one thing I know I want now. But will I get it? No. I've had tons of opportunities. I mean, how many single guys will turn down a chick offering him her bed for some good SEX?

But I'm not ever going to do that. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait a long, long time. There will be no SEX for me till there is a jewel the size of my knuckle on my ring finger and a certificate tucked away somewhere--not a marriage certificate, just one that says the ring is a real diamond.

But really. I screw up. I don't have SEX but I screw up. I mess up. But its not worth it? While I really want to have SEX, and while my occasional food binges in place of SEX have caused my hips to widen more than I'd like, it is still so worth waiting for.

So, I say keep sublimating. Maybe not in the hoho or that twinkie you are currently shoving down that hole you call a mouth but maybe in some hard core exercising or a good book. Or maybe you could sit and write a blog post about SEX, like I am.

SEX will be great, no doubt, but it can wait. In the meanwhile, I am going to go eat some junk food.

Spillin my guts to an officer

I realized it had been a while since I spilled my guts, buckled down and just had a good hard crying confession.

I realized this on the side of the road in Salt Lake City, while a cop was asking for my license and registration. A tear dropped. It was a well deserved tear because I'd never received a ticket before. I initially had no idea why he was pulling me over.

Then it all became too embarrassing. While he was talking to me, the tears started flowing, then came choked sobbing and I found myself wanting to take that officer by the shoulders, shake him and tell him all the hardships in my life, all the things that escalated to my forgetting the speed limit. And the story would've been a long one, it would've been my life story.

What did I learn from this? The speeding ticket didn't affect me. It was justified by good reasons that I feel no need to explain here. What I really learned from this situation actually has nothing to do with cops or speeding tickets or driving.

Crying. I don't cry. I never cry. I go for years at a time without crying. But there's a distinct problem with not crying. My tear ducts are full. They're full to bursting. I go for such a long time without letting that emotional part of me have release and then I find myself on the side of the road sobbing.

I've put off crying the past few years. I know its not a weakness but its something I recognize as an occasional incident. Its part pride and not. I don't like to cry a lot because then people will never recognize when I am truly upset. After I fell on my blades and hit my head on the concrete my roommates knew I needed to go the emergency room. Why? Because there were silent tears running down my cheeks.

I didn't cry when my heart was broken. He wasn't worth something so special. I cried when a dear friend from the ward died. I cried at 16 when I almost killed my family in an accident. I stopped crying consistently after my first day of high school. I cried then because I was frustrated with myself. I didn't have friends, I didn't understand my homework, I was scared. Everyone knew the routine because they were in their sophomore year, I was in my sophomore year and thats when I started high school. Before that I had home schooled for three years and I was scared to do anything by myself.

I hate my weaknesses, I hate things about myself. So what do I do? I fix them. I hated that crying meant I was acknowledging my weaknesses, giving in. I don't give in. So I stopped. In the past 6 years I can count on one hand all the times I've cried. It hasn't been easy. There have been times when I wanted to just lay in bed at night and cry. I didn't.

Maybe I should've though. Then I wouldn't burst into tears when I get pulled over.

The marriage bet I will win

Its been two years since we made that bet. I don't remember what the stakes are, I don't remember what the winner gets but I'm pretty close to winning. I am going to win.

The bet was with Madison Hall, Sarah Grether, Karisa Beatty, Sage Draney, Katy Jiminez, Jessica Kriser, Michelle Bowers and myself. Of course some last names have changed since then. Over half are married or very nearly close to reaching that fate--I won't clarify if that fate is good or bad because it depends on each person and who they married.

I remember the list on our fridge, held precariously by a magnet and surrounded by marriage announcements. Sage was close to the bottom of everyone's list with my own name. Sage beat us all, or lost. I'm pretty sure the stakes were who could last the longest.

Of course I will win but I guess its not very fair because I don't want to get married. I reject the opportunities thrown my way. I love being single and free too much. I can hang out with whoever I want, kiss all the guys I want, go where I want, eat what I want, live where I want, do whatever I want. Is this selfish? Maybe, but this is my opportunity to keep growing outside the bonds of marriage.

Guess all my married friends just out-matured me but who wants to be mature? I like having fun and being a free spirit. As I venture out into the 'real world' I realize how many opportunities there are for a young, single person. If I were married there would be so many restrictions on what I could do.

I'll eventually succumb to the marriage ordeal. I want kids and I'll eventually get too old to still find hot single males my age but for now I'll continue to be wild, reckless, adventurous.

So you see, the bet is a little unfair because of course I'll win because I reject all opportunities that come my way. Looks like I'm the winner of this bet. What can I say? I never lose.

The position

My current position on dating: I don't want to date you, I want to benefit from you.

Wrote the song, took the photos

Just for laughs

What men are good for

I know a lot of guys that complain about always being the friend and never the boyfriend. I've hit that point. I'm always the friend and never the girlfriend. But do I complain? Nope.

I'd rather not date right now. I spent the last 20 years of my life shying away from guys. I like having guys friends. Its so strange because now the men outnumber the women in my life.

Once upon a time I could barely hold a conversation with a male and now . . . they're my primary conversation source.

I could've made moves on a lot of them, dated a lot of them, even married a few of them but why ruin a beautiful friendship? While its been strange not having girls to confide in since I've been in Utah its been fun exploring more deeply (or as deep as you can get cause men are really shallow) into how men work. I used to never care because men, for the most part, aren't worth caring about but my list of "what men are good for" is a lot longer than it used to

1) Lift things

2) Fix things

3) Eye candy

(These first three were the only things on my original list)

4) They'll hook you up with their friends

5) Always honest when you ask how you look

6) They're great punching bags

7) They always eat more than you (No guilt)

8) You feel smart and motivated around them (men are lazy bums)

9) Have ways of getting free food

10) They're usually try anything at least once

Apparently men are good for something. If you're sitting next to a man pat him on the back; actually, slam your fist into his back because men are still pigs and deserve to be hit and hit hard and frequently.

And so she flew

She touched his cheek, she caught the tear before it rolled from his face to his chest, and she held him till he slept. She left. She didn't look back. She never looked back. She couldn't look back.

Too much looking back and you'll walk into a tree, you'll get hit by a car, you'll fall into a hole. She wasn't strong enough to climb out of another hole, couldn't dig in, pull up and drag herself to her feet. The next time she fell she wouldn't get back up, she wouldn't get back out.

Thats what love was for her; always deep, always unrequited. Most find love, grasp a hand and walk the trail with hands swinging. Everyone falls into a hole once or twice but she kept nearly falling so many times after the first. She recognized the signs but still gave in, kept trying to give her all.

If there was another path she'd take it. No more side stepping holes. She'd have someone to fill her holes, a board to place across, cement to fill them in but instead she continues to walk around them, straying temporarily from the path, head held high. It hurts when the man you love doesn't love you back but still holds onto you, won't let go.

She knew the whole time it would end. Everyone told her to end it. She held on. She fantasized. She loved. She loved and she broke. She ended it but with love still in her heart. She sat in that hole for so long, deluding herself that the hole wasn't a hole but a home, it wasn't.

She'd reach for his hand and he'd pull away. She'd speak her mind and he'd cover his ears. She'd tell him she loved him and he'd tell her he often didn't like her. She gave all and he gave none. She knew it. She was always aware of the manipulation, the abuse but she let it happen. She let them dig their holes into her.

So many do. With each lover she lost a little more. She no longer fell in holes just kicked some dirt in them, walked around them and looked for the next one. So many holes, so much pain. No trust, no faith, no hope for each of the men she dated. She waited for each affair with her heart to end and they always did.

She stopped walking away because she stopped finding love to walk away from. She decided she was tired of avoiding holes, leaving the path and she was tired of falling and so she dug a little hole, planted a seed, grew a tree, climbed that tree and jumped from that tree. This time she didn't fall, she flew.

Just looking at this man's face makes me sick

Philadelphia Dr. Kermit Gosnell was charged on Jan. 19 with murder after allegedly delivering seven babies and then killing them by severing their spinal cords with scissors.

MSNBC says that Gosnell's clinic ran from 1979 to 2010, and during that time, hundreds of babies lost their lives there.

The Associated Press says former Gov. Ed Rendell says he is "flabbergasted" by regulators' inadequate inspection of Gosnell's Philadelphia abortion clinic.Numerous complaints were filed throughout those years about the unsanitary conditions of the clinic, forced abortions, underage abortions, deaths and delivering full-term babies and then killing them, according to the MSNBC story.

In an ABC News article, Philadelphia District Attorney Seth Williams said, "There were bags, and bottles holding aborted fetuses were scattered throughout the building. There were jars lining shelves with severed feet that he kept for no medical purpose." And according to Williams, state regulators ignored numerous complaints about Gosnell's clinic, which hadn't been inspected since 1993.

Last year, Gosnell agreed to a video interview with Fox News where he claimed, "I provide the kind of care that I would want my daughter to receive." He also said, "I've done the very best to provide the very best to my patients," but many of his patients have disagreed.

A Fox News story says that Gosnell has been named in at least 10 malpractice suits.

Gosnell's abortions also were allegedly illegal. According to myfoxphilly.com, he charged $32 for first trimester abortions and $1,600 to $3,000 for abortions up to 30 weeks, but abortions in Pennsylvania are illegal after 24 weeks, and many doctors won't perform them after 20 weeks.

According to AOL News Gosnell is accused of killing one woman and seven babies who were born alive and then killed by Gosnell at the Women's Medical Society in Philadelphia. Gosnell's employees were untrained and unlicensed, and nine of those employees have also been charged.

Along with the issue of abortion, other topics have been brought up in the discussion, including health inspectors not adequately doing their job and the fact that most of the people who chose Gosnell's clinic were poor.

No more being the player

Stevie Nicks said it all for me today,

"Now here you go again

You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat...drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost...
And what you had...
And what you lost

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say...Women...they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean...you'll know"

Its a lot of lyrics but it says a lot, at least to me it does. I don't know who I am in this song. Am I the player? Or am I the one being played?

I go for affairs, for friends with benefits, for the non-committal and somehow I always come out the one hurt. When did my emotions begin to play a part in my affairs? I'm not really sure how this works. Maybe its because the benefits end? All I know if that in the long run, I need to stop being selfish in this regard. Whether I'm falling for them physically or just playing with them physically its not right and it doesn't feel right at the end of the day.

If I can't commit then I shouldn't be in a relationship. And if he can't commit then I still shouldn't be in that relationship. I need to recognize that commitment is part of relationship and when I finally do decide to get into a relationship it needs to be with my whole heart and not with the intentions of a player. No more playing.

I only want men to make me feel better about myself, to make me feel passion, to hold me. I don't look for their companionship, I don't really look for anything special except for a hot body and strong physical attraction.

I've become really pickier and I get pickier with each passing day. I have to take a break. I'm becoming shallow. No more playing. I would rather play than be played.

I'd eat you if I had to

I eat like Oprah. I eat like a fat kid given a cake after starving in the desert for a week. If it were my choice I would eat at McDonalds everyday. EVERYDAY. Just thinking about McDonalds is making me salivate right now. I'm drooling on my desk. Its soaking my coat and making me cold.

Do I have an eating disorder? Probably. But its mostly because I'm cheap. I would totally be eating grapes out of a hot guys hand right now but I can't afford either and so instead I'll probably go to the store tonight and buy little debbies or eat the popsicles in my freezer. Did you know that you can get a 100 popsicles for $2 at Walmart?

Right now I'm chewing on a candy cane. I bought them right after Christmas. Everything was 75% off. I'm looking forward to Valentines day so I can buy the on sale candy the day afterwards--maybe I will buy myself some flowers too.

When my resources are limited I take what I can get, I'm not picky. If we were on a desert island with no food, I wouldn't hesitate to eat you. I'd probably savor you. I savor my Ramen noodles, I savor expired salmon, I savor ravioli straight from the can so I think roasting you over a spit wouldn't bother me too much.

Are my eating habits disgusting? Probably. But I'm an easy date, an easy person to satisfy. You get me something off the dollar menu and I'm happy. My stomach is satisfied and my taste buds --I begin to doubt if I even really have taste buds--are on a high.

I'm a hearty eater but I'm easy to feed. One cancels out the other I think. This is why you should take me on date. Take me out to dinner. Buy me McDonalds, buy me Taco Bell, cook me some eggs. I'll eat it. I'll eat anything and lots of it.

Goals for 2011

Goals for 2011

-Get into grad school

-Find a job

-135 lbs-consistent holding of this weight

-10,000 total hits on my blog (1400 total right now, overall, in past two years)

-Find places and ways to serve those around me

-Read 100 really great books

-Learn 3 news skills

-Take up a new hobby

-Learn some tricks on the ice rink

-Kiss in the rain

-Meet ten new hot guys and proceed to go on dates with them

-Get to really know D.C. area in the summer or whenever I go back home

-Visit the ocean

Saving money on employee health care

Spending $400,000 a year on a program to promote better health for employees saved Oakland County, Mich. $12 million on employee health care insurance.

Before the program was started the projected amount to spend on health care was at $50 million for 2010 but the county ended up only paying $38 million this year.

On Fox News Brooke L. Patterson talks about how and why he started this $400,000 dollar campaign.

The idea for the campaign is for employees to become aware of medical risks before the risks actually take effect. Patterson institutes this by having employees fill out a health survey, get blood drawn, sugar levels checked, blood pressure taken and other basic tests done. Employees also fill out a risk assessment form and are given a $100 gift card for their participation.

In USA Today Human Resources Director Nancy Scarlet says the cost is well worth it, ""In light of all the stuff we have going on — pay cuts and asking employees to pay more for their health care — this is one of those givebacks," she said. "It's really a small price."

Not only is Mich. County saving money on insurance but employees are becoming aware of medical problems before they become an actual problem and employees get $100 to sweeten the deal.

According to freep.com Patterson launched the campaign four years ago in order to "bring area hospital suppliers, medical device makers and educators together to promote his county and region as a medical destination similar to a Mayo or Cleveland Clinic"--Cleveland is one of the top four hospitals in the United States.

Back in 2006 Patterson worried about the 20 percent jump in health care costs and started the awareness campaign that saved Oakland County, Mich. $12 million.

Let your lips be lonely till its right.

As women we're not completely secure in ourselves. Look at her, look at me. Look at what I'm lacking. I'm so lacking. I'm not good enough. Nobody wants me. I'm not beautiful. I'm not smart. And so I'll take what I can get.

And so we often do. There are so many that know better, that fight better but then there's the rest of us that give in too easily. I would know. I'm one of them. I thought I was ugly, undesirable. Then one night, two years ago, someone held me, told me they liked me, really liked me.

Then we cuddled, then we kissed, then we made out and then . . .well it ended but not before things went further than they should have. I then I spent two years slowly giving in more and more to the wrong men, to selfish men. I began looking for love in the form of lust.

I blame only myself, my mistakes were my own mistakes but there are some choice words of wisdom that I would like to share. Don't screw around.

It's exciting, its thrilling but remember who you are, know your limits. I forgot who I was and I now find myself trying to get the old Kaitlin back. I miss the romantic Kaitlin who wanted to love for the right reasons, not the wrong.

I remember I kept finding ways to justify my actions. First, things didn't go too far. Second, other girls do those things too and they say its ok. Third, its ok to lust a little. Fourth, everyone screws up. Fifth, things are different for our generation, its ok to take things further. Sixth, those things are nice, they're pleasing, they make me feel desirable; when will someone ever appreciate my body again?

Oh, its sooooo temporarily nice. It feels great in the moment. But with everything thats naughtily nice there are consequences. A candy bar tastes great but you keep eating candy bars and you'll start getting fat, you'll get sick, you'll get addicted. And just as I love candy bars, I also love cuddling, kissing, making out. . .and the list begins to expand, to unwind until you find yourself so unwound that you're loose, you're immoral, you're not you anymore, you're a whore.

Its like drugs; its like cocaine, the gateway drug. Maybe you have just one kiss and its ok but soon that turns into making out and then some clothes come off and then the next thing you know you're crying to your bishop because you've gone too far.

Don't justify it. I'm telling you now, its not worth it. I hate that I've become this way. I've become blinded to the nice guys that want me because all I ever seem crave in relationships is the physical. I don't want the right things and its going to be hard learning to want those right things again. I will probably always struggle with this in my future relationships.

Listen to that little voice, that voice of reason. I wish I had been one of those girls that walked away. I always thought about it but I let their guilt trips hold me there. I let their desire for my body hold me there. I let my "natural man" desires hold me there. And now I'm stuck fighting tooth and nail to stay out of there, out of that dark, dirty place. Its not easy.

It's funny that Avril Lavigne was one of the people that spoke to me most. I was driving one night and her song came on the radio. The last lyrics in the song go,

"This guilt trip that you put me on won't mess me up I've done no wrong

Any thoughts of you and me have gone away."

They'll put you on a guilt trip, they'll do anything to get in your pants, to bend some rules. You'll want to comply. They'll promise a relationship, they'll promise nights of pleasure. They'll call you a prude, they'll cajole you, they'll keep twisting your hand until you finally give in.

Get out of that grip they have on you. Walk away, don't let yourself want them anymore because all they want you for is a 'good time'. Remember that men have less emotion, less attachment than women. They'll mess with anyone(ugly, fat, you name it) when they're in the mood. In the end they'll walk away as if nothing has happened but you won't. I've seen it time and time again. They'll leave you wanting them, wanting the wrong things, feeling cheap and feeling dirty. And are they really worth it? Is one night really worth it?

They know whats right and yet they're still breaking the rules. Why? Because they're weak. They're disrespecting you. Why? Because they're jerks.

Take my warnings. I know what I'm talking about. It sucks. Enjoy knowing that you walked away. Enjoy your lonely nights, enjoy your lonely lips, your lonely arms, enjoy your lonely bed. Someday all those things will be filled and filled with the right things.

Happier

My blog posts haven't been the happiest sounding. Whoops. I will work on that.

They don't bring me flowers

"You don't bring me flowers anymore" a classic song by Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand that talks of a love thats died. But I can't even relate with this song. I’ve never received flowers. I just want flowers. I’ve dated a lot, maybe too much. Some would call me a player but would a player want flowers? And I really, really want flowers.

And maybe when I say flowers I actually mean that I want more than a casual make-out, more than a booty call, more than a fling. I want to be wanted for more than just a good time. All I seem to be for men is a good time.

The hard exterior is a ploy. I admit I’m tough, real tough. I don’t quit . . .I never quit. I pretend to be all business, pretend to be a real player but I want flowers.

I admit that I admiringly look at wedding dresses in the window, I tear up watching a chik flik, I smile at cute couples, I dress up when I’m excited for a date, I love playing with kids. I'm softer than I let on.

And I want flowers. Roses. I want a bed of roses, a trail of roses. I want them delivered to me at work, given to me when I answer the door, given to me at dinner. I want them to lead to something romantic, to be something romantic. I want to be surprised with red roses. I want a guy to do this one special thing for me without my asking.

I want them to do it for no reason except that they really like me or may even be falling in love with me. I just want them given with nothing expected in return. I want to smile more from this genuine gesture than I do when they are propositioning me, complimenting my body or flirting with me.

I want to smile because I feel truly admired, truly wanted. I’m not asking for much. I don’t ever want diamonds or other expensive things. I just want a bouquet of roses. Maybe someday I will receive those flowers. But for now I will continue to admire the flowers that others receive and hope to get my own someday. Someday.

Muppet faced and gun crazy

Here are some signs that you are dating an egotistical jerk, a crazy person or a pig.

Its ok to have different beliefs from the person you're dating but when they tell you that the terrorist attacks of 9/11 were an inside job then you've got something to worry about.

But it gets better. They then tell you how the world is going to end in 5 years and they are planning to buy a ranch in the middle of nowhere and sitting with their gun in a basement.

They hate going to church because everyone is so 'blind' and not as smart as they are, so they choose to skip most of the time.

Oh and they will also tell you how they ARE better than most people. No one is quite as smart or savvy as them. They'll talk about all the money they have and yet rip people off whenever they can, refuse to take you out, share an apartment with a bunch of guys and talk about how money isn't that big a deal to them.

To top it off they'll talk about how irresistible they are. The truth is they look like a Muppet, they have zit pock marks on their arms, thin as a rail, stiff as a board, with hairy shoulders and folds in their face that your hands could get lost in.

Note: If they carry numerous firearms--including under their pillow-- brag about blow torches and how they could easily shoot someone then this might be a warning sign too.

They'll tell you they're such a gentleman but when it gets late and its time for you to go home they'll fake sleep or insist you walk twenty minutes at midnight by yourself instead of them driving you.

One day they'll talk of eloping, the next they'll talk of separating, the next dating, the next not dating. Then profess how you deserve so much better. They'll be so inconsistent that your head will begin to spin and you'll reject the idea of ever trusting them. So you don't and because of this you look for the ending in every relationship, so you'll be prepared the next time to not hurt like you did before.

The only consistency they have is to insult you.

They'll put you on a guilt trip because some of the things you are doing together are inappropriate(even though they initiate it), or tell you they don't deserve you and that they want to take a "break" but really all their doing is screwing their ex-girlfriend until they get bored and try to come back to you.

They'll tell you they can do better, call you unattractive, over weight. They'll make fun of your beliefs, your ideas. They'll ask your opinion and then find every reason they can to scoff at it, scorn it and pretty much call you inferior.

You have good work ethic? A better resume? More experience? They'll feel threatened and tell you that you won't be a good mother.

They'll pull out a list of all the things they wished you did, were better at or lack. They don't like you because you're too affectionate or not affectionate enough.

They say they're a hard worker but all you ever see them do is watch TV, insult those around them, start trouble and eat. All they ever want to do with you is cuddle, make-out and talk about themselves.

They'll stand you up, they'll fall off the planet and stop talking to you after telling you how much you mean to them. They want you to want them so they can add you to their list of girls they've rejected.

Yes, I've experienced all these things. I could continue on and on to list all the hurtful things they've done to me. There are things that men have done to me that have cut so deep that I leave those thing out because I've erased them from my memory.

What did I get from all this? A bunch of ridiculous stories and a lesson.

The lesson: I'm worth it. I'm so worth it. If they do any of these things listed above consistently, insult my looks when theirs are more lacking or disrespect me in any way then I've learned to walk away, I've learned that there are millions of fish in the sea to swim with--better fish to swim with.

Take comfort, you're not as dumb as this guy

I worked at a gynecology office one summer as a receptionist--the Doctors referred to me as their intern but I wasn't; I never want to have my hand in that field.

I remember feeling like an idiot for most of the internship. I never fully knew the medical lingo and some of the people I spoke with were not happy that I couldn't tell them what was wrong or squeeze them in for that day.

Actually most of the people I talked to were downright mean. What makes it worse is when you can' even understand them. Some would have African accents, they were in a lot of pain or just old.

You got something going on down there and you're not going to be happy either. Its even worse when you've got something going on down there and it is your fault.; or you find out your husband of 20 years has given you an unfriendly infection/disease because he's been sleeping around.

So, I usually felt dumb (not to mention my feelings were frequently trampled upon) but there was one phone call that I like to call to mind whenever I feel knocked down to a particularly low part of the intellectual food chain. I'm just going to feed you the dialogue.

Characters:
ME: Receptionist
DORIS: Recetionist. Doris is interesting. Nothing really fazes her but she does get annoyed with stupid people. She was actually dating a guy from the President's secret service and would complain because "he's always talking about his job, what do I care?"
AFRICAN MAN: He had a very strong accent and so when he called I thought he trying to make an appointment for his wife, since their women usually don't do things for themselves.

ME: Hello
AFRICAN MAN: Is this doctor's office?
ME: Yes, this is the gynecology office
AFRICAN MAN: I'd like to make an appointment
ME: For your wife?
AFRICAN MAN: No, for me
ME: Sir, this is a gynecology office, a female doctors office
AFRICAN MAN: I know
ME: (I don' know what to say, so I put him on hold and go over to ask Doris) Doris, there's a man who wants to make an appointment
DORIS: You told him this is a female doctor office, right?
ME: Yes
DORIS: Ask him why he wants an appointment
ME: (I go back to the phone and take him off hold) What would you like to make an appointment for?
AFRICAN MAN: I want to get pregnant
ME: You mean for your wife, cause women get pregnant, not men
AFRICAN MAN: No, me. My wife can't get pregnant and I want to do it for her.
ME: Sir, men can't get pregnant
AFRICAN MAN: No, I saw I on TV. I want to make an appointment.

Well I didn't know what to say. I handed the phone over to Dorris. She simply told him that we only take female patient and hung up the phone. He continued to call and we continued to tell him no.

This story always makes me laugh and feel like there is at least one person dumber than me existing on this planet. So, take comfort if you understand the concept that only women can get pregnant. You are at least smarter than one person.

Natural disasters top our snow fall

As a child you played in the mud. You would dig into the mud with a spoon, a shovel, whatever you could get your hands into. Now people in Brazil are digging through the mud to pull the bodies of neighbors, friends and family from the mud.

So far at least 610 people have been killed in Brazil from the flooding and the mudslides. Keep them in your prayers because the numbers are only going to keep rising.

There are people loosing their friends, their neighbors, their family. Some of them are the only survivors and have nothing left. I heard one story of a families baby being swept away while in his crib. Who knows if that baby survived.

While these bodies have been pulled from the rubble its estimated that the total of 610 dead could double.

Not only has there been flooding and deaths in Brazil but also in Australia. Nearly 30,000 homes and businesses were damaged and at least 26 people were killed.

While we've been receiving mounds of snow there are people in other countries being bombarded with tremendous natural disasters, keep them in your hearts and prayers.

I'll do anything for free food.

If you were in the McDonalds near my house last night at around 8 then you would have seen me get up--at the beginning of what promised to be a sumptuous meal (despite what everyone else says, I still love McDonalds)--and run into the children's play area.

Why did I find myself in McDonalds at 8 p.m. crawling through the greasy, grimy play equipment by myself? A bet. It all had to do with a bet. My intentions were to simply go in and buy myself a celebration dinner as a treat for surviving my internship, so far.

My friend was with me. Last week he had discovered of downfall of mine which consisted of me doing stupid things for free food. Last week he had me eat a ½ pound burger and a bunch of other things on an empty stomach. And why did I do it? Why did I eat till I felt like a horse who had eaten too many oats? Because he promised to pay for my meal.

But this isn't the first time I've taken a ridiculous bet in order to get a free meal. I like dares and bets; I like them a lot when they're doable and when I get something out of it.

Last month I got free lunch because I finished off my meal and the other half of the guy's meal who was with me. He offered to pay if I did it. What was I to do?

I always end up extremely stuffed or embarrassed but I feel no guilt for buying food because I didn't buy the food, they did.

It’s a win-win situation. They get to laugh at me and I get to eat for free. So stop trying to save face. Sometimes being ridiculous or doing ridiculous things has great results . . .like a free meal.

Death is not just a number, a cause

I fell asleep smiling and I awoke crying. The thought of my own death doesn't frighten me nearly as much as the thought of yours.

Last night I dreamed my sister died. What scared me most were my initial thoughts in the dream, "oh its just another dead person, wonder how they died and at least it has nothing to do with me." But somehow, it finally entered into my conscious that this way my sister and not another person I've read about on the news. I realized that I had been reading about death and it didn't bother me as much as it once had.

In the dream I began to cry, to sob. I felt that life wouldn't, couldn't continue on. I thought of how I would never hear her speak, laugh, talk. She'd never finish being a teenager, never get her first kiss, never go to college, never start a career, never start a family.

The dream must have stemmed from all the things I've been reading in the news--the latest being the Arizona shooting. I don't think it reached my true conscience while I read these news stories. I simply read the words and looked for the effects it would have politically and the reasons for Jared Loughner's actions.

But what did I forget to do and think while I read this?

I forgot to truly feel, to truly be human. Christina Taylor Green, a nine-year old little girl lost her life this week while holding her neighbors hand and watching Congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford give a speech and then get shot in the head. before Jared Loughner released an array of bullets on the audience that killed this innocent little girl and 5 others.

I now begin to think of all the people this has hurt, not just physically but emotionally. Not only the immediate family and friends effected but thousands, millions. People have stopped to give a moment of silence, have rallied together to pay their respects to people they've never met. Why?

Because while the world is going to pot, there are still people out there who truly care and love the many, many sons and daughters of God in this world, even if they don't know them at this present time.

When we hear about deaths on the news its ok to listen to the numbers, listen to the causes but also we need to acknowledge the feelings of sadness and love we feel for the people who have died and for the people who are truly mourning those deaths.

If we've come to a point where we can hear about brutal murders, mass killings, the death of soldiers and civilians in other countries and feel nothing then we need to take a look at our lives and remember what's important-- EVERY life.

Snow, below normal temperatures means global warming does exist?

Snow covers the ground in 49 of 50 states. The storm that froze the south is now moving north and northeast states are preparing for the winter storm that the south doesn't know how to properly handle. Hundreds of flights have been cancelled, warnings given to stay home from work, closed schools, slick roads, thousands of people foreign to the concept of snow and several deaths are just some of the effects the snow has had the past few days.

This is definitely a sign that there is global warming . . .

Koreas are little children with bombs

"She bit my leg!" yells 7-year-old Nathan Kore to his mother

"Only because you put gum in my hair, " says Nathan's twin, Sarah Kore in response to his accusations. And then they turn from in each other, using the silent treatment and the threat of their childish tempers to try and settle the fight.

This little incident of bickering and arguing between two children is an almost an exact comparison to the fighting between N. Korea and S. Korea except that the Korea's have nuclear arms that can kill millions and Sarah and Nathan only have their fists and teeth.

And as Americans we don't do much of anything except back S. Korea up with with a few thousand soldiers and some fancy weapons, waiting in case something should happen between the two ever fighting countries.

But, according to a CNN article, it seems that S. Korea and N. Korea are on speaking terms again--for now. South Korea seems to be getting a lot of attacks that N. Korea continually denies. One in which 46 people were killed from a torpedo attack on a warship.

And the second, according to AFP "when the North bombarded a South Korean border island, killing four people including civilians."

But in the long run what everyone wants is a little peace. If S. Korea has been taken advantage of then N. Korea needs to apologize for their actions instead of trying to hide and lie and cover their tracks. But if there were no actions made by N. Korea then a source needs to be found for these deaths in S. Korea.

N. Korea has the fourth largest military in the world, and here everyone is sitting around bickering. Instead of constantly pointing fingers, lets find some real proof to support all these accusations and find out what's really going on between these two countries before something truly serious happens.

Honestly, in the end, it would be nice if just everyone would quit cracking their knuckles (aka doing their nuclear tests) and stop threatening to throw punches (aka threatening nuclear wars).

No conversing while driving

Buckle-up, it's the law. Government has made it a primary law in 31 states to wear seatbelts when driving. And now they are trying to make it a law in every state to forbid cell phone usage when driving.

Currently 30 states ban texting and 8 states ban hand held cell phone use.

While I don't like the idea of idiots driving under the influence of alcohol, I also don't like the idea of a driver distracted by texting, phone conversations, looking at GPS', eating, yelling at children, talking, listening to music . . .breathing.

Yes lives are at risk, yes lives are taken-- not because of actual "car accidents" but because of distracted drivers. There's almost nothing that can weigh more on the conscience than knowing you caused someone's death because you were driving while talking, breast feeding, reaching for a French fry, texting all at one time.

According to AAA "Distracted Driving - including the use of cell phones - is a major contributor to automobile crashes. Between 4,000 and 8,000 crashes related to distracted driving occur daily in the United States. In a year, they contribute to as many as one-half of the 6 million U.S. crashes reported annually."

While we need to find ways to make people aware of the lives they put at risk every time they let themselves become distracted when driving there is no need, no right for our government to create laws that tell us what we can and cannot do while driving.

If the random control exerted by our government continues then we'll eventually be pulled over for talking while driving, "Excuse me miss but you were talking to the passenger in your car, I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a ticket for that" or "Miss, you were yelling at your child while driving, we're going to put that on your driving record and fine you $1000."

While we can petition, campaign, bear testimony and advertise the fact that becoming distracted with things that don't matter while driving is dangerous, we cannot expect laws to be made to stop what we should be have the freedom to do.

Focus on Loughner. . .?

What went through the mind of Jared Lee Loughners mind when he pointed a gun at Congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford's head? Does it matter?

Not a lot can really be said about Gifford; at least, not a lot can be said for now. Have his friends said anything? Did he even have friends? Have his parents said anything? No. There is no way to really dig into the life, the mind of this young man until more is found out.

His classmates said he was creepy, his professors said he was creepy but where are the quotes from the friends and family of Loughner? With all the negative comments made about him there was at least one positive comment at the end of NYDaily News, "Loughner worked as a volunteer at the Pima Animal Care Center, where he walked dogs and cleaned cages. "He loved animals and was a good worker," said another volunteer."

What happened to this boy who loved animals but can kill 6 people and wound 13 others? What sits at the forefront of our minds is who was Loughner? Were his actions driven to get attention, to go out of this world with a bang? Was it just a random murder or plotted? What ran through his mind when he bought that gun, he loaded that gun, he pulled the trigger on that gun? Why did he choose to shoot Gifford when she wrote him a kind thank you note?

Is this boy completely insane, completely tyrannical or are there a number of things that piled on top of him, one after the other till he tipped?

At the same time, should we wonder what went through the mind of this adolescent, I think its almost more relevant to look at what effects his actions can have.

There are the immediate effects. The lives lost and those who will mourn those lost lives. There are the wounded and those who will pray each night that those wounded will live, will function properly. But there are other effects to consider.

A lot of killings like this are people looking for attention, looking to be remembered. They don't care if the attention is completely negative. The focus on this boy, Jared Lee Loughner, needs to probably disintegrate. What does it accomplish focusing so much attention on this young man? It may give us "warning" signs for the future but honestly I think we've learned from this not what to look for but instead to open our mouths and try and find a suitable way to address the needs of someone like Jared Loughner before their actions become his.

Focusing so much on Loughner and what he did doesn't help the situation. It gives others with problems like Loughner the idea and want to be more extreme in order to get more attention.

Lets take our attention away from this young man. Lets come away knowing that we can't ignore the mentally ill that surround us. Recognize that harsh insults about them, laughing at them won't help them. Lets come out of this with a prayer in our hearts for those most affected by Loughners shooting and a prayer in our hearts for Loughner.

Don't focus on Loughner but focus on what we can learn from this awful event and what we can do to help those with similar mentalities to Loughners.

The fear I feel behind the wheel

Driving scares the hell out of me. There's no easy, nice way to say it. My foot hits the gas and I picture dying. I can hear the breaks screech, I can feel the slam, I can feel the shame, I can feel the tears, I can feel the hurt, I can feel the fear. I've heard the breaks, felt the slam, felt the shame, the guilt the tears, the hurt, the fear.

Five car accidents. I haven't forgotten any, I choose not to linger on them but one sticks with me, this one scarred me. I keep waiting for the day when I won't just walk away, relieved that everyones alive. My death, their death. . .death. This is my fear. This is the fear that controls me more than almost any other.

Driving? Why does no one else fear it? Why does no one recognize that one little jerk of the wheel can kill a bus full of children, can cause a truck to explode in flames, a mother to lose her daughter, a husband his wife, a life to become hell.

I hear the screams, the moans. She's groaning, "my legs, my legs, I can't feel my god damn legs" and all I can do is stare and cry. I apologize through hyperventilated breaths but her forgiveness won't chase away the guilt that presses at me from all sides as I hold my head in my hands and sob on the side of the road.

I'm sixteen and I pulled out in front of a car traveling 55 miles an hour. I pulled out in front a car, I pulled out in front of a car, I pulled out in front a car and I saw, I saw, I saw my sister bleed, saw the fear on my brothers face, I saw my father bruised and I heard a woman groaning what I thought was her last breath.

I reach in my pocket and quickly withdraw my hand from that glass filled pocket. I look at my coat, its covered in blood. . .my blood. Its been four years. I don't forget. Its New Years today and I'm reliving the past horror I felt. My breaks cut out today. I felt the same horror as I did years before. I feel it as my car slides over 50 feet before stopping on a thankfully empty freeway. My fear returns.

I want to sit in a corner in an empty room, I want to cry, I want to run from what has held me back in so many ways but I don't. I put on my happy face today but fear fills me as I later get behind the wheel. I feel jinxed. I feel those old feelings. Each stop, each turn could mean death; not my death but the death of someone I love. I let myself fall into these fears, I lose myself in these fears. I can't focus on the good, I can't look at anything because the idea of hurting someone, of killing someone keeps haunting me, keeps pulling at me.

But again, I put on the happy face, I pretend to laugh it off. I have to. I won't be held back by one of my greatest fears. I can't be held back by one of my greatest fears. There are so many things that will scare us, so many things that will scar us but those things, those fears, those obstacles are the ones we must meet head on--not literally. There will be no quitting, no surrender and someday no fear.